Funny how simple reflections remind us of what we’ve gone through in our previous lives….
Today was a good day!
I’m currently driving a 10-minute commute in Tampa, Florida, where I give benefit presentations. Nothing out of the ordinary with the weather. It was misty rain, but the sun tried playing peek-a-boo with me. I dropped the top of my Ford Mustang and let her cause a scene as I navigated towards my work location. But it wasn’t the horse engine that did it for me..
There were probably 8 streetlights to go through in heavy traffic for this tight area. But for me…
EVERY LIGHT was GREEN!
And there was my aha moment………………
I’m always careful these days to bask and appreciate what God shares with me in the universe…
Flashback: I stood in a line waiting to sign my name to receive assistance; money to pay my utilities, gas, or anything that would push me toward my goal of not giving up!
I had plenty of chances and plenty of reasons to throw in the towel and move back “home”.
Honestly, I don’t believe anyone would have blamed me. After all, I had made a leap that many people in my circle had not, yet. And the seed was planted: “if things don’t work out, you can always come back home”
But going back looked like Failure to me!
I had heard that I had disappeared abruptly because I was pregnant and didn’t want anyone to find out and who knows what else was said behind my back.
So, I STOOD there and was no longer ashamed that I had fallen on unfamiliar, tough times.
I WAS working but barely earning enough to get by. I learned years before I relocated how to make something out of nothing. I was plugged into free events for my children, and learned very well how to barter my gifts, so it never looked like I was suffering.
But the truth is, I was a paycheck away from applying for a job on a pole somewhere. Couldn’t do that either because that’s what “they expected”.
The grind IS and was a marathon!
Fuck It…….
“My name is……I have a job, but I’m currently on medical leave and must satisfy my waiting period before I can receive my 1st paycheck” ….
In hindsight, I cared too much about what other people thought of me; folks that didn’t know me, who stood in the same line as me with similar issues. I worried that someone would see me and run and tell someone I knew.
And yet I stood there- talking myself into staying because at the end of the day, I HAD to show up for my sons!
Today, showing up looks a little different than me, 15 years ago.
I serve in a role as an entrepreneur and Entertainer.
On the exterior, it may look easy………
It took years for me to truly see my value. It took years to not care what other people had to say or think. Simply put, I wasn’t looking for validation, and I sure as hell didn’t need anyone’s permission!
These moments taught me many lessons. Yes, I had gone through a lot of tough times prior to relocating. But now, there was no one else I could go to. I was having a valley experience all by myself. I was solely dependent on God’s directions.
These moments were a major part of my Adult life! It was during these hard times that I established a relationship with my 1st mental health counselor. I began to face challenges dating back to my childhood. This is where my journey of knowledge of self begins.
These moments defined how I persevered and would ultimately be the blueprint for my future endeavors! Being CEO of my life, means I’ve accepted the task to EXECUTE in any space that I’m operating in, unapologetically!
I 
SAID YES
- To my healing journey…..
- To forgiving myself
- To being uncomfortable…
- To loving me…
- To celebrating each milestone…
- To my legacy……
- To doing whatever the fuck makes me feel good!
BANGS Media
BANGS Media 
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